Hard to believe in just a few minutes it will be May 14th....2 years since Courtney left this world. Over the past few days I have been reliving her last days and they seem to be some of the hardest memories I have to deal with. I mean...of coarse we knew for a while that it would happen, but your never really ready for it. On Friday May 12th Courtney slipped into a coma. She was still there, but sleeping, never to wake up. I always slept in the chair beside her bed...but it still wasn't close enough. I fell asleep at 3am and my mother (who was sleepin on the couch) woke me up at 4am when she noticed something wasn't right. In that hour between 3-4 am May 14, 2006 the most amazing and inspirational person I have ever known was called home. I didn't only lose my daughter, but my best friend. In the two years since she was diagnosed we were inseparable. I was with her every night in the hospital, They let me share a room with her at the Crichton Center, and of coarse the recliner by her bed at home. Our car trips to Pittsburgh every month, laughing, talking and singing the whole time. Night's at the hotel's when we would watch tv and raid the vending machines. It was our "girl" time..lol. Sounds strange I know...here we were going to the hospital the next day for more tests, Chemo, or MRI's...but we enjoyed our time together. I miss that...I miss her.

I bring this all back up again, well obviously because it is almost May 14th, but also because I have so much to be thankful for. Tomorrow/Today depending on when I am done typing..its getting close to midnight..anyway...we are having a memorial service at the cemetery. Last year a few of Courtney's friends said a few things and I was really a little to emotional to say anything myself, but there was so much I wanted to say. So I'm gonna put a few things here, just in case I cant say it tomorrow.  I lost a major part of me May 14, a part of me that I will never get back. But in the years before that and to this day I have also gained so much. She brought a lot of amazing people into my life, way to many to mention in this blog, but I'll hopefully be seeing a lot of them later today. I don't know what I would do without them!! The Mlakers, talk about an incredible family. I actually think Jenn was one of Courtney's first friends when she started school here. They have been so caring and helpful, I could never repay their kindness. I just hope they know how much they mean to me and that I really consider them to be a part of my family. Way to many other to mention and I am so tired and emotionally drained right now I cant possible thank everyone. Just know I have an incredible memory and your kindness is never forgotten.

It is officially midnight and May 14th. I want to write more, but I think its best if I stop here for tonight.

Much Love always ~Anita 



my heart still aches in sadness
and secret tears still flow,
how much it means to lose you
no-one will ever know.

Much Loeve in heaven beautiful and I'll be missing you forever  VCLR

 

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