Just a few things in this blog....something that touched me really touched my heart this week.  It's so hard to put it all into words, but I really think it's important that I try. I want to work up to what happened though.... I've been pretty sick the past week, flu, sore throat, lost my voice and it's still not back 100%, anyway, also been feeling like I've let people down. I mean I was really feeling like I needed to know that I've touched, made a difference, in someone's life. Like in some way's I didn't do that because all those that used to be around me, used to be here to tell me that, aren't here anymore. Like if I didn't hear it, it must not be true....right? I must not be doing enough in my life to make people a difference to anyone. Then in church Sunday morning it became so clear to me. I don't know how he does it...but somehow Brad tends to know what's goin on cause he made it make sense to me again. I cant repeat word for word, but he made it clear to me that it doesn't really matter that WE know how much we have done,  but how we represented our father in our actions...That we did represent our father with our actions.  Like maybe I did make a difference in someone's life, maybe someone's faith is a bit stronger for knowing me, maybe someone took a minute to help someone else because of something I did for them, maybe maybe maybe, it doesn't really matter, because in my heart I know that my faith is strong, and when I do something to help someone else or comfort someone else its because thats the right thing to do, that's what Jesus did, and I do it to honor him and his love for me, for the gifts he has given me, and the love he has shown me. My heart has always wants to help, wants to heal those that are hurting, wants to return some of the love that I have been given, that's all I've ever wanted.....the difference now.....I don't need someone to tell me I have, I'll just do it to honor my father.   That's just the first part...the second part is the really touching part....Brad played a song by a Christian band call "Leeland" (I added the lyrics below)....anyway....very powerful lyrics, very moving, but the most amazing thing happened, during the song I had the feeling I was in the same room with God, actually sitting at the same table with God, it was only for a moment but it was the most amazing thing I have ever felt. Then tonight I was talking with Casey and she was at a Christian concert this weekend, heard the same song (w/ a diff. band singing) and she had the same feeling I did. I was just amazed....I still am.  




Carried To The Table Lyrics
Artist(Band):Leeland

Wounded and forsaken
I was shattered by the fall
Broken and forgotten
Feeling lost and all alone
Summoned by the King
Into the Master’s courts
Lifted by the Savior
And cradled in His arms

I was carried to the table
Seated where I don’t belong
Carried to the table
Swept away by His love
And I don’t see my brokenness anymore
When I’m seated at the table of the Lord
I’m carried to the table
The table of the Lord

Fighting thoughts of fear
And wondering why He called my name
Am I good enough to share this cup
This world has left me lame
Even in my weakness
The Savior called my name
In His Holy presence
I’m healed and unashamed

You carried me, my God
You carried me




Ok sooo then I have something else on my mind (shut up I know I know....lol)   Sometimes when you care about someone, you think your doing the right thing by saying what you think they wanna hear, what will make them feel better, but that doesn't work. When they catch on to you its really hard to get them to believe in you again. What do you do, how do you fix it? Just have faith that they know it was done to hurt but to help and nothing else. Maybe I shouldn't worry so much about everyone else's feeling's....who knows, time will tell I guess.

I've also come realize something else.....I really don't need anyone else, I will carry on with or without you, I will get knocked down but I will always get back up, I don't need anyone's approval, I don't need anyone else's praise, I don't need to be everything to everyone, I just need to be me and enjoy those that want to come along with me for the ride

I think that's enough for now....and I hope it all makes sense because its 1am and it's really not making much sense to me anymore....lol


Much Love ~Anita

 

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