A little warning ....this one is a little emotional for me.

Just when you think you've got a handle on things and your emotions are in check...a little something comes along that just knocks you right back down. Christmas was very hard this year...I guess It all started with the sending of the Christmas cards. Unless you've been where I am your probably thinking I must be going crazy...so let me explain. I had to sign our family cards this year 'Love Jim, Anita and Cara"...brings a tear to my eye just thinking about it. The year before I signed them to include "and Our Angel Courtney". This year I didn't know what to do...I didn't know the proper "etiquette" for such a thing so I went with what I thought was right and didn't include her...and damn if that didn't just tear me apart...still does. Watching Cara open her gifts and being sad thinking back to the fun Courtney and Cara had opening all their gifts together. Spending time will the family, nieces and nephews and knowing that 3 of them will be graduating this year and it should have been 4. Missing how even at her lowest point she was still making everyone smile.

The new year was going better....I've been taking photography classes and really enjoying them. I've been saving to purchase a new D-SLR camera and doing tons of research and I finally decided on the right one for me...things were going well.

THEN...it happened..something as simple as doing my taxes. I use a simple computer program (turbotax) and it has all my previous years information already stored so it makes doing my taxes much easier, anyway, we get to the "dependent" part, and there is her name right above Cara's. It may seem like nothing to everyone else but I know it took me more than 10 minutes to finally give in and delete her name. I read everything I could read just to see if I could leave her name there, not to claim her, I just didn't want to permanently delete it from that stupid form. It may sound stupid, but to me it's like closing yet another chapter and it's breaking my heart. Seems like everyday something else comes along that I have to delete Courtney from....the Christmas and birthday cards, the family vacations photo albums, the government forms, her magazine subscriptions, her cell phone, her email accounts (I could go on and on...but I think you get the picture). I know no one can help and no one can stop time so that things don't change....sometimes it helps me to just write a few things out when there isn't anyone around to listen, or there isn't a shoulder to cry on, so thanks for reading.

Thanks to everyone who still visits this site.....much love!!


Live, Laugh, Love  


Always ~Anita


P.S. I'll be posting more about "Cruisin' For Courtney III" very soon. 
  

 

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